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A few years ago, back when I was regularly trolling OKCupid for dates, I received a message from a potential paramour. He’d been scanning through the survey answers associated with my profile, and one response in particular gave him pause: when asked whether I’d consider dating someone with herpes, I’d responded no.
It wasn’t some carefully considered stance on sexual transmitted infections, or grand statement about herpes. For him, however, it was a potential deal breaker: As you’ve probably figured out by now, my suitor was a member of that vast group of sexually active adults who’ve been infected with herpes. The internet was supposed to be transformative for people with incurable, but highly preventable, STIs like herpes simplex virus HSV who wanted to date while being open about their status.
There’s no question that these sites which have even spawned their own Tinder-like apps are a fantastic demonstration of how innovative online dating platforms can be. But even as they bring together a number of people living with STIs, they don’t seem to do much to improve general education about living with herpes and other STIs. And as a result, people going online in search of connection and support often end up feeling stigmatized, isolated, and more alone than ever.
And in the beginning, that seemed to be the case. Hoping to improve her prospects, or at least connect with people in a similar position, Ellie turned to the internet.
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Even when you meet someone in the church, syncing up your faith and beliefs with a potential partner can feel like a challenging task. The stigmas found in the church when you have a sexually transmitted infection or disease can cause many to feel excluded from the congregation. Even if you have never been sexually active, people will think otherwise if they see you discussing herpes.
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